We’ve all met people who seem to attract attention with ease. They have an easy command over a crowd and appear to flourish in any social or business setting. What’s the trick? Is it normal for certain people to be charismatic? Is this a skill that can be developed? This person may have been you. Perhaps there was a time when you felt exceptionally magnetic. What was going on at the time, and how might you recreate its allure? We all want to be interesting to others, even if we aren’t always at ease being the focus of attention. We feel “seen” when we are interested. It opens up new possibilities. It leads to power.
Understanding what makes someone “beautiful” can aid in the pursuit of influence. The key to being interesting is to focus on what you have to contribute to each person with whom you interact rather than on how you position yourself as someone who is particularly cultured, experienced, or worthwhile.
Here’s how to make yourself more fascinating.
How to be the centre of attraction: Be Humble
While many of us imagine the centre of attention to be someone with a big personality, a booming voice, a lot of opinions, and a hearty laugh (someone displaying blatant confidence), research published in the British Psychological Society Digest shows that people prefer to be around others who value humility. There is some disagreement over how to describe humility in this context, but the best definition seems to be “having a clear viewpoint and respect for one’s place in context.”
How do you be humble?
Humility is not synonymous with a lack of assertiveness. It also does not imply that you should be self-deprecating. Be modest by being willing to say or do, “I know who I am.” I know what I’m capable of. And I know what I’m not capable of.” And do it with a light heart. This can be as simple as saying, “You know what, I don’t know the solution to that, but I will find out…” Even as subtle as asking questions when a topic you’re unfamiliar with gets brought up in conversation. Don’t be scared to show up with a “beginner’s mind” and a thirst for knowledge.
How to be the centre of attraction: Be generous
When you are truly generous, you elicit the psychological response of reciprocity. You don’t even have to be overly generous. The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences discovered that basic reciprocal action, such as conversing, elicited compassion in young toddlers. According to the findings, the same is expected for adults. So, if you’re just kind with your time and attention, you might find that your generosity returns to you. People will be more interested in and attentive to you as a result.
How can I be more generous? Say yes frequently. If you have a certain area of expertise, provide your advice or skills without expecting anything in return. Participate productively in online industry organisations. Be of assistance. Your good deeds will be returned to you. It is supported by research.
How to be the centre of attraction: Be Inclusive
To be cool, you don’t have to be a mean girl or guy. We have two options: undermine each other or support each other. You can probably predict which produces greater results in terms of building influence.
How do you be inclusive? See someone walking around with a drink in their hand, seeking someone to talk to? Don’t ignore this person while remaining content in the protection of your circle. Inviting him to join you, incorporate him into the conversation by imparting something you’ve just learned about the person you’re speaking with.
How to be the centre of attraction: Be Courageous
Our fear of being different, according to Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of The Science of People, makes us boring. But see what occurs when you are open and vulnerable, foolish, and perhaps even a little strange. When you’re brave and open enough to be yourself, you’ll discover that people are drawn to and interested in you. In the worst-case scenario, even if they don’t swarm to you, you’ll know you weren’t acting.
How can I be brave? Putting the interaction in context can help you find the confidence to be yourself. Remember that we all have weaknesses and are vulnerable in some way. And, keep in mind what’s at stake—typically it’s not much—so have the guts to be your interesting self, share an interesting experience, and talk about topics you’re passionate about.
How to be the centre of attraction: Be Involved
“To be intriguing, be interested,” Dale Carnegie famously stated. A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology in 2010 discovered that people who engaged in an online debate with a partner rated the partner more favourably if the partner asked a question, as opposed to participants whose partners asked no questions and showed no interest in their viewpoint. Participants that were asked a question stated that they would be more willing to engage with their counterparts in the future.
How can one become interested? Inquire, listen carefully, and inquire again. Encourage individuals to talk about their interests. Even better if you have no idea what they’re talking about. More inquiries are welcome. (Humble yourself! And, if you’re curious!) Another wonderful method to make a connection is if you already know something about the subject at hand.
How to be the centre of attraction: Develop your storytelling skills
People enjoy a good narrative, but even the most fascinating subject can become tedious if the storyteller does not know how to hold the audience’s attention. Listen to podcasts like The Moth, which is all about sharing tales, watch stand-up specials from comedians like Ellen DeGeneres or Louis C.K., and even watch speeches from business legends like Steve Jobs, Sheryl Sandberg, and Richard Branson. Consider the timing, where they pause for emphasis, and how they build-up to the conclusion. Keep an eye out for gestures and body language.
How to be the centre of attraction: Tone of your voice
Take note of the tone of your voice. Your voice’s tone can influence whether or not you command attention. Learning to speak from your diaphragm will help you hold people’s attention and possibly make them like and trust you more.
Learn to read the room
Going into a business gathering with the same stories and presence you’d bring to a sports bar may make you the centre of attention — but not in a positive manner. Learning to read a room and adjust to your surroundings is a valuable talent to develop if you want to be the centre of attention in a positive way. Try to gauge the mood of the room — are people uptight, relaxed, worried, aggressive, or bored? — and adjust your style accordingly.
Have a good time! People who are extremely preoccupied with their social image may appear clingy or insecure. One of the most fundamental steps to become the focus of attention is to just have fun and act naturally in any interpersonal situation.
Why would someone want to be the one?
Sometimes a Histrionic personality disorder is characterised by a desire to be the centre of attention. This includes attention-seeking conduct as well as excessive emotional reactions. People with this illness frequently want to be the centre of attention, regardless of their surroundings. They may feel uneasy if they do not receive all of the replies they desire in a social scenario. Behaviour can range from upbeat to defiant or dramatic.
The affected person may find it difficult to be in an atmosphere where all attention is not solely on them. People with this disease are regarded to be shallow, self-centred, and more likely to engage in provocative behaviour in order to get attention.
How Being the Center of Attraction Can Be Dangerous?
It is normal for people with this illness to struggle with becoming emotionally connected in relationships. They may be unconscious of this dissociation, which might lead to their acting as either the controller or the victim. The disturbed individual may attempt to gain control of their spouse through emotional manipulation or seduction.
As a result, some people may have strained relationships and unattainable ideals. Because of histrionic personality disorder’s interpersonal style and blatant expressiveness, it is difficult to sustain friendships. Alienating others for attention may result in the loss of relationships, which can lead to confusion and depression. It is also an indication of this disease if you find yourself craving more stimulus and excitement.